Earlier today, someone asked me “Hey, Craven, you’re a snarky indier-than-thou music blogger” (guilty as charged!) “How come you haven’t weighed in on this whole Chavril thing yet?
Especially considering what I had to say about them just a few days ago.
There’s a few reasons why I’ve resisted the temptation to comment… until now.
- The quasi-romantic reason: I’m actually pretty happy any time two people are able to find each other in this crazy, mixed-up world. If they feel the spark and can stand each other’s idiosyncrasies without going mental, then good for them.
- The sporting reason: Hating on Avril Lavigne is kind of pointless. Nobody expects a male thirty-something indie rock fan to like her anyway. Hating on Nickelback, meanwhile, is our national pastime (and a fun one at that). Hating on BOTH of them simultaneously? It’s just too obvious, too easy. It’s about as sporting as fishing for rainbow trout in a 50-gallon aquarium. With dynamite.
- The pragmatic reason: By joining forces, there is a chance that Chad and Avril’s twin flavours of terrible will cancel each other out, like standing waves at a stadium rock show. Your classic “two birds, one stone” situation. Admittedly, there is also an outside chance that the marrying of their two styles of ‘music’ could lead to some unstoppable, terrifying new Suck hybrid that is dangerously immune to all of humanity’s anti-viral medications. But at least all of the terrible is now piled up at one convenient location – making it easier for us to carpet bomb with nukes if things get out of hand.
- The hygienic reason: There are very few things in this world that I hate, because hate is such a strong word, but tabloid culture is definitely one of them. I’ve always found it morally repugnant that our society places so much interest in who some actress is sleeping with, or what kind of narcotic some rock star is injecting into his urethra. It’s just so shallow and soulless and boring and irrelevant to my life. By and large, celebrities are ordinary people with extraordinary jobs – they just happen to be more visible than your average machinist or grocery clerk. It’s true that some of them ham it up and work the system to draw attention to themselves and/or their projects, so they don’t get a free pass either. Narcissism doesn’t look good on anyone, regardless of how tiny your waist is or how white your teeth are. But do we really need a couple of dozen infotainment programs on TV to document what Tom Cruise had for breakfast? Talking about the personal lives of famous people makes my skin crawl. I kind of feel like taking a shower just for writing this post.
- The missed-window-of-opportunity reason: Frankly, the Twitterverse beat me to it. A lot of people made snarky comments but @Adam_Newman said it best:
Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger from Nickelback are getting married? I didn’t know Canada allowed SAME SUCKS MARRIAGE